Coach Finstock's Bane
by LycoX
Summary: A look into the two banes of Coach Finstock's life. A look that may just make you re-think all you know!


**Coach Finstock's Bane**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but what you see here. This was born thanks to Chimeracuddles and Thelone-Wolves on Tumblr and this will be a bit on the crackish side.**

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There was a secret that everybody in the town of Beacon Hills knew about. Everybody but one Stiles Stilinski as it related to him in a fairly big way. The kid had the unfortunate luck of having a split personality disorder and the supposed Adderall he took was actually something else. Something that was meant to help manage his disorder to a certain extent but instead just made him a bit more focused then anything else. His other personality was known as Greenburg, a Lacrosse jock who had some kind of obsession for a man known as Bobby Finstock. An obsession no one really quite understood and the one time Stiles actually realized what was going on with himself for a short period of time, had caused him to end up dressing as a Cougar when he was a kid in order to deal with the whole thing. Not that he would even remember any of it later! Which had some bad results for a drunk Finstock at the time as he lost a testicle to the 'Cougar' and ended up in Mexico for a few months. A period of time the man refuses to talk about due to all the things that had been done to him thanks to where he'd ended up at in Mexico. This was actually one reason Lydia Martin refused to even acknowledge the crush he had on her.

As she did not want to deal with a guy who had two different personalities thank you very much! Stiles' split personality disorder was actually the reason for why Marin Morrell had been his therapist for years. And was a strong reason for why she even worked at the high school to begin with in case he needed her quickly. The disorder would actually be why Peter would end up not offering Stiles the Bite since during their drive together, Greenburg had come out to play and had left the man fairly weirded out. More so then the time he found out he'd been dating a Pyromaniac Mime for three months much to Talia's vast amount of amusement! Noah Stilinski had somehow even gotten it into his head that maybe if his kid had sex with a girl, it might solve the split personality issue. Especially since his Greenburg side was always scoring dates but never getting anywhere thanks to Stiles making a comeback at the wrong moment. Causing the man to have to suffer in hearing a thirty minute rant from Greenburg about the whole thing on one memorable occasion!

Which would be why Heather would end up deciding to make him her first thanks to Noah's pleas. The Darach putting a stop to that hadn't left the man or Greenburg all that pleased either. And despite it being some bad timing, the good Sheriff had even decided to lecture the woman about horrible timing when it came to getting his son laid much to the bafflement and disapproval of Melissa and Chris. Julia couldn't help but think the man a little insane and had tried to tell him that getting his son laid wouldn't fix the split personnlity disorder! Which had certainly explained a lot of things for her where that kid and Finstock's issues with him were concerned! This would also nicely enough, be another reason the Nogitsune had taken things to such an extreme level when he'd been around. As the two personalities had proven to be a bit much for him! Especially when they would argue with one another in his head for hours! He also had a huge amount of sympathy and respect towards Bobby Finstock since Greenburg had shown up during the whole arrow to the abdomen thing and cried like a baby over it much to Finstock and the Nogitsune's horror.

As misery witnessed is misery shared with a good strong drink or two! Leading to the Coach to declare that the new personality was perhaps the one he most liked as he wasn't profoundly disturbing like Stiles and Greenburg were. And when he finally got his own Stiles body with no disorders, he actually fell to his knees and wept in sweet relief once he got himself and Lydia to Oak Creek. Something that had been a bit disturbing for the genius Redhead and if the Fox hadn't been such a psychopath, she would have considered sleeping with him after he had asked her about it. Earning her a pout from the old Fox but surprisingly enough, seeing him respect it enough to leave it be. Malia would also be proof that getting Stiles/Greenburg laid wouldn't fix a single thing much to Noah's disappointment and horror! The poor girl was terribly confused about the whole thing where Stiles was concerned, but did like the fact that Greenburg loved sex a great deal and didn't mind his back getting scratched up. Greenburg had even taught her how to con people through card games and caused her to develop a great fondness for Jazz music.

Yet gained a strong dislike for Pop music. The Greenburg personality would be the main reason a split between Stiles and Malia wouldn't happen as the guy had been vehement in ensuring she wouldn't let Stiles be a complete idiot in the aftermath of Donovan's death. Greenburg would also be why Theo wouldn't be able to cause some dissension between Scott and Stiles as well. Making for the Chimera to have a strong hate for the second personality and even try and kill him. Which hadn't worked out too well for the guy thanks to some rope, a Mariachi's hat, and a rubber mallet. And when graduation finally came, Finstock could be seen shedding a lot of tears and crying out that his nightmare was finally ending. Said graduation would also be something Kira would be in attendance for as Greenburg wasn't all that for what the Skinwalkers were doing and after forcing them to hear the most horrible music imaginable, had gotten them to do a permanent quick fix for Kira so that she could get out of her deal and come back home. Something that had made Scott happy as Hell and happily provided his best friend's second personality with as much Alcohol as possible as a thank you. Once the event was over with, Stiles would approach Finstock with a curious expression on his face.

"Hey Coach, I uhh, I got a question for you."

"What is it Stilinski? Or is it Greenburg?"

Stiles gave him a confused look. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about! Why do you always think I'm this Greenburg guy!? He doesn't even exist!"

"Uhh, yes, he does!" Retorted the man quickly and gaining the two more notice by those present.

"How? He's a figment of your imagination! Everyone says so!"

Granted, everyone was lying to him as they didn't want to be the one responsible to tell him he had another personality. Finstock groaned loudly. "That's cause they are inconsiderate asses who don't wanna man up and tell you the truth!"

"Oh here we go." Muttered Lydia off to the side somewhere with an eyeroll.

Folks were torn between wanting to stop Finstock and actually letting him spill the beans. Except for Noah anyway as the man was more than ready for his son to finally know the truth. A truth he hadn't quite been able to tell himself for one reason or another. Stiles grew a bit frustrated with Coach's and Lydia's remarks and she didn't even flnch when he gave her a mild glare before giving his attention back to Finstock. "Tell me the truth about what!?"

"That you've got a split personality and his name is Greenburg!"

"What!? That, that makes no sense! I think I would know if I had a split personality thank you very much!"

If there was one thing Greenburg regretted not doing so far, it was leaving a recording of him explaining things. This got him a look that basically implied a level of disbelief. "Yeah? Well, some crazy people don't even know that they are crazy!"

"That might explain Peter." Grumbled Cora sourly.

"Nah, it wouldn't. He was fully aware of things." Derek replied in an assured voice.

Making the girl sigh as of course big brother Derek would dash her hopes of an attempt to convince the people at Eichen that the man needed to be in a straight jacket for life! "In that case, it would explain you and this Greenburg guy you think is real!" Retorted the pale boy while flailing his arms wildly.

Finstock just groaned as he quickly realized this was going nowhere. "Right, of course, you're so very right Stlinski. Now, go do Suicides!"

"Can't do it."

"Why the Hell not!?"

"Cause, I'm a graduate now?" Explained the boy a bit slowly.

"Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, that's… Right." Came the slightly embarrassed response that had several grinning in amusement.

The man then decided that the best course of action was to leave to save further face. "WAIT! COACH! DON'T GO! I LOVE YOU!" Came the unmistakeable voice of Greenburg.

Making the good Coach's left eye twitch as he found himself stopping and turning around to seeing the banes of his existence on his knees and looking tearful. "For the love of my missing testacle! Leave a video for Stilinski already!" Shouted the man and then hauled ass.

"I can do that! I can do anything for you cause I love you! So please, love me already!"

A scream of frustration could be heard after that, making for more snickers to occur. Greenburg would do the recording but things wouldn't go that well for Stiles afterwards as it left him having an identity crisis and staying in Eichen for a few years because of it.

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 **Author's Notes: Heh, so that happened. Hopefully this got a laugh or two from those of you who read this!**


End file.
